As far as I can remember,I have always wanted to write a Blog.
I guess I just never had that perfect combination of free time,and inspiration combined with something really important to say.
Something that kinda tugged at my fingers and made my guts churn.
Well...this does,and I have the time and the medium,so why not??
I have just finished watching an episode of my all-time favorite series."My So-Called Life".Episode Eight,namely Strangers In The House.
I've been watching the series for the past couple of days and it has been touching me deep inside. I was fifteen years old when the show originally aired. It was my favorite show at the time. It was real,it was raw,it was art.
It spoke to me.
It was nothing like the other show I liked to watch so much.
Beverly Hills 90210.
Where everyone was beautiful and lived a charmed life.
Watching those episodes again brought me all these feelings I used to have back then!! And then some! Funny how your perspective on things changes so much after you've grown up! I could write for days about all of the things I feel but I will stick to one for the sake of whoever might read this eventually.
Strangers In The House
This episode deals with Angela Chase's relationship with her ex best friend after the fact that her father has a heart attack. Since Angela's mother has been friends with Sharon's mother since school,both families are very close. Graham,who's Angela's father,is confronted with his own mortality and life as his friend lies in a hospital bed.
The whole situation shakes him up and makes him assess his own life and realize that he fells miserable,stuck in a situation he had never imagined would be the portrait of his life. He's unhappy with himself even though he leads a good life.
Except this life was never what he had dreamed of.
Which led me to think:
Is Paris Hilton the only person in the world who's fully happy with their own life??
I saw some recent pictures of her on Twitter and she does know how to sell it. I mean,I buy it!!
I think she's vapid and probably doesn't have much in her mind or even care to think much about the course her life has taken at all.
She does seem happy nonetheless.
I can't say that for myself if I can be honest.
I am not happy with my life and the dreams I've had since dreams started springing in my soul have not come true.
None of them.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not bitter. I just don't know where I'm going.
I seems I need to pick up where someone else should have given me the push I needed when I was still raw and fresh.
Except now I'm already scarred and maybe a little jaded.
A little cynical even.
I guess I can say I feel I was treated unfairly.
By life itself.
What I wonder now is,could it be too late??
I was 7 and then 14 years old when I identified my talents and skills. I knew where I could go.I knew what I could achieve.
Adults didn't seem to care though! So nothing was really done about it. Now I am an adult and I feel like I owe that little boy an explanation.
"Why didn't I get where I was supposed to be?" he asks me.
I just don't know the answer.
So I'm Graham.
Is it too late to star over?? How hard will it be??What will be the sacrifices??
When will I see results??
Even though I live a good life,and I know a lot of people would kill to live the kind of life I live,it is just not for me. That is probably the reason why I could never commit to the things that are presented to me.
That is also probably the reason why I never cared about going to college. Getting a degree to hang on my wall and die unhappy.
I mean,I can be unhappy without a degree,right?
What has come to me from all of this is,I need to follow my dreams.
They are the fuel that keeps me going.
They deserve to come true. I owe that little boy that much.
I just pray that God will give me the means to follow through.
The rest is in my hands.
And I'd rather not live in Beverly Hills 90210 anyways.
